28 July 2009
Posted in Dating 101

By the time you've read this post you'll know exactly what attraction is, what it isn't and how you can be an attractive person.

Before we get into the nitty gritty of attraction let's first establish what attraction is. Wikipedia describes attraction as -

"Attractiveness, attractive quality or attraction refer to a quality to be the cause of the emotion of attraction in a person. An attraction emotion is an interest or desire in something or someone."

I agree with this description, but is attraction as simple as that? I assume mostly everyone would say no. This is due to most people not knowing fundamental traits of attraction.

Ok Then... What are the Fundamentals of Attraction!?

Well first of all I'd like to quote line that David Deangelo likes to use a lot, that is - "Attraction is not a choice"

I completely agree with this theory. Notice I say theory, as this idea cannot be completely proven, but on good bases of evidence, I believe it to be true.

Now that you've been introduced to the idea of attraction not being a choice you should start considering possible issues that this will arise. I.e. if attraction is not a choice, how do you allow someone to not choose to be attracted to you? The next section will answer.

Why is Attraction Not a Choice?

This would be down to evolutionary biology. As your brain evolved it created certain hard wired aspects that aid its survival and reproduction ability. Allowing the brain to quickly decide whether or not a female or male is attractive will allow a faster reproduction process which in turn will allow you to pass on your genes faster, fulfilling the evolutionary process.

Now I bet your interested what your brain is hardwired to seek out almost instantly to decide whether or not the other person is attractive to you or not, notice I worded ‘attractive to you or not', since attraction will be different to different people. Generally the process aims to have successful and healthy children.

Men find women attractive using a simple process of sight. 80% of what men find attractive about females is physical ‘beauty'. This would consist of -

• Hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7
• Healthy appearance
• Young - 18-21 years of age
• Submissive qualities

Men also look for the typical breasts, bum and legs and put those into their attraction calculator, so if you want to find out more about these characteristics of a woman's physical attraction check out Bums, Boobs and Legs for a healthy slice of knowledge.

The above list is very general since I won't go into reasons why each is attractive to men, but you should get the picture.

With men occupying 80% of the bases on looks, where is the other 20% looking? It's looking at her personality. A woman's personality is an important part of the attraction process, you've probably been in a situation where you've been around a woman for awhile and you didn't find her particularly physically attractive, but she ‘grew on you' and you become attracted to her by the end of the night. This would be the 20% of your attraction mechanism in action. The personality characteristics a man generally looks for in a woman are -

• Warm
• Friendly
• Social intuition
• Intelligence
• Sense of Humour

When a woman has these as well as good looks, a man will be head over heels.

Remember that the traits I've listed are completely sub-conscious decisions carried out by your brain which are primitive and instant. This means a man rarely chooses these things in a woman; he just feels attraction and a desire to have her.

Enough with what men want tell us what women want!

Women want almost the exact opposite. They want 80% personality and 20% physical looks. That would mean that women rarely get attracted when meeting a man for the first time unless they already know some inside information about him from a friend or family member which will allow them to accept he has an attractive personality.

The characteristics of personality that trigger attraction in women are -

• Dominance of her, others
• Strength - physical, emotional, intellectual
• Novelty seeking (adventurous)
• Resources such as - Mental knowledge, learning ability, analytical
• Physical - Money, possessions

A man can obtain and show all these personality traits without being aware of it. Generally they come naturally, but they can be ‘learned'. This would mean that a man can learn to become attractive. Same way as a woman can use make-up to enhance her physical appearance.

The final 20% of attraction women get from men is looks, what sort of physical characteristics do women admire? Well they are -

• A strong chest
• A tight bum
• Strong legs
• Average build
• Healthy appearance
• Body language congruent with his personality

If you want more detail on why these physical characteristics are attractive, check out Is She a Chest, Legs or Bum Gal and have a field day with the interesting information.

Conclusion

Attraction is not a choice, it's a hardwiring mechanism constructed by evolution to give you a better chance of survival and reproduction. The attraction process works a little differently with men and women, men seek 80% physical looks and 20% personality while women seek 80% personality and 20% physical looks. I suggest you check out the articles linked under the characteristics for further reading as they will give you an extra insight as to why your body is attractive.

I’m sure you’ve learned something here today and I’d love to see your feedback in comments. If you’d like to read more related posts I’d suggest you check out the female psychology series.

Craig is a 22-year-old student studying psychology at Bournemouth Uni. He runs a dating blog aimed at helping every man get the perfect relationship through the psychology of dating.

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Sexy Comments (1)

written by Carson, July 19, 2010

You had a few very good, points, but there was also quite a bit of misinformation. Women are actually NOT naturally attracted to the strong, dominating male. In fact, recent studies done by the Face Research Laboratory showed that women are several times more likely to pursue a relationship with a man who portrays more feminine features (thinner eyebrows, narrower jaw, etc). Because the female a relationship is traditionally the caretaker of children, more feminine features are often associated with a kinder, more open and trustworthy personality. In short, "manly men" are perceived as less likely to stick around and raise children.
The only time this theory does not hold true is if the female lives in or was raised in a more hostile enviroment where physical strength and ability to protect the family would be more important than emotional connectedness to the family. (Which makes sense if you consider Maslow's hierarchy of needs).
My only other complaint about this article was your complete neglect to mention Attraction theory (proximity, physical attractiveness and similarity)...not to mention the mere exposure effect. But that's quite another topic, I've rambled on long enough.